


Dirty Paws

by Sp_rks



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alpha Anya (The 100), Alpha Lexa (The 100), Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - Werewolf, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anya is Alive, Clexa, Commander Lexa (The 100), Disability, F/F, Injured Clarke Griffin, Major Character Injury, Omega Clarke Griffin, Omega Raven Reyes, Omega Verse, Omegaverse, Permanent Injury, Pregnancy, Protective Lexa (The 100), The 100 Femslash, Wanheda Clarke Griffin, Werewolf Lexa (The 100)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:20:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27742876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sp_rks/pseuds/Sp_rks
Summary: Clarke had disappeared with only blood left behind, a year later and Lexa finds answers while dealing with new things to cope with.orLexa reunites with Clarke after a year.
Relationships: Anya & Lexa (The 100), Anya/Raven Reyes, Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Lexa & Raven Reyes, Octavia Blake & Clarke Griffin & Raven Reyes, Octavia Blake & Lexa
Comments: 30
Kudos: 224





	1. Out of sight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story takes place after the events at Mount Weather, when Clarke disappeared she went to Polis and started a relationship with Lexa(after many arguments about what happened at MW) they got married, etc. Two years later Clarke disappears and remains gone for a year.
> 
> [Anya survived and in doing so made the alliance between Skaikru and the coalition happen quicker]

Screams filled the chilly autumn air as the chosen Trikru warriors rampaged through the dense undergrowth. They had spotted movement nearby on territory that was off limits for future farming. Due to this some trees had been cut to be turned into logs and the plot of the land had been somewhat cleared of bracken and bramble.

There hadn’t been much action since Clarke’s disappearance and everyone was on edge, especially Lexa. Her wife had been missing for nearly a year now, no trace left behind other than the crimson smears of blood that had scattered the stables. Lexa blamed herself, she had foolishly allowed her to go alone when it was dark out. No matter how many times she thought the night over, Octavia always tried to remind her that Clarke was strong and could care for herself. She probably would’ve refused an escort to the stables anyway.

Her warriors were quick to react to the noise and movement, happy to finally engage in something.

Lexa however was not convinced, something felt wrong and she could only smell faint traces of blood in the air. Somehow she had to stop a group of her blood thirsty warriors before they slaughtered whoever the intruder was.

Quickly the commander picked up her pace, shifting into her dark brown wolf form which aided her in speed and agility. Some of her own had changed into their forms as well, but she was quicker and charged ahead of the group.

“ _Heda_! We don’t know what we are—“ Indra had come to her side, her voice low. Of course she’d be worried for her commander, Lexa had been more erratic since her wife’s disappeared. It would make anyone crazed with worry. Some had told her to move on that Clarke was either dead or a traitor. But if she were a traitor they would’ve run into her by now and or someone would’ve spotted her.

“I am _Heda_. Do not question me.” Lexa snarled in a gruff voice then launched herself into the air, jumping over a fallen tree. As she did so she broke into a clearing, eyes focused on the limping figure trying to reach the nearby stream. It was a blonde which made Lexa’s stomach twist with a bout of nausea, Clarke. Clarke wasn’t with her. Clarke was gone. This isn’t Clarke. This is just an intruder.

Her thoughts made everything unfocused and she felt like she was going to throw up from the vertigo she was experiencing.

“ _Frag em op_!” A disgruntled caterwaul sounded nearby from her group.

No, no, no, no! Don’t kill her, it could be—

Lexa panicked, she had never felt so much hysteria before. But before she could properly get her words out and command as she should an arrow shot through the air and struck the girl’s shoulder blade, causing her to tumble into the pebble covered shore.

“Stop! _Hod op_! _Nou jomp em op_!” She finally forced the words out and picked up the pace, transforming back into her human form as she neared the shore. Her warriors came to a halt, surrounding their Heda and the intruder. Some were murmuring amongst themselves, seeming agitated.

“ _Heda_. They are an intruder—“

“ _Shof yu op_!” Lexa spat in their direction as she walked along the pebbled surface, her boots crunched against it.

Silence fell over everyone as Lexa neared the limp girl, her clothes were torn and caked in mud. While her blonde hair was matted, it didn’t look like it had been washed or brushed in moons.

“ _Heda_. If I may, she could be armed.” Indra stepped out of the line, lips pursed as she gazed at the brunette.

“Are you questioning me? I am _Heda_. Whoever this girl is she seems to pose no threat. Intruder or not, she could’ve been out running the real threat. However you all acted like a bunch of crazed children and attacked her for passing over a boundary. A full battalion versus one girl is not how you were trained to fight.” Every word that left her mouth was like bitter poison. As she spoke she adjusted her gloves while walking around the girl to see her face unsure if she was hoping it was her wife or not, if it was Clarke her warriors had attacked her and caused an injury. That didn’t sit right with her.

Slowly she rounded on the girl, bending down to get a better look at her face which was covered in grime, sweat, and blood.

Instantly Lexa recognized the sweet face of Clarke which made her stomach clench and heart stop. Biting her lower lip, she was met with just how extensive her lover’s injuries were. The once beautiful cerulean eyes Clarke had were now replaced with blood divots. They had stolen her sight which only brought Lexa’s panic to a bubbling rage.

“It’s _Wanheda_. Scour the perimeter for others or threats. I want to know who did this to her so they can die the death they deserve.” Lexa commanded without looking up, her tone was more emotion urged than usual.

There was a pause of hesitance amongst her armed warriors, who shuffled along the shore.

“That was an order!” Lexa spat, heaving a breath.

With said everyone began to move away with Indra giving her a long look before disappearing after them as well.

Lexa never let her gaze leave Clarke, but she didn’t speak until her group had fully left them alone. Clarke didn’t seem to be completely comprehending her presence, her brow was pinched and expression lost with broken pain.

“..Clarke.” The commander breathed out her name. “..Whoever did this to you will pay.” She promised, her vow was quiet when spoke almost inaudible against the sharp autumn winds.

No words fell from her wife’s lips as she continued to lay there, if it wasn’t for the faint breathing and slight movement in her face she would think Clarke was unconscious. But there was life and she knew it would be some time before Clarke was ready to speak, right now she had to focus on tending to her injuries.

“I’m going to pick you up, my love. Okay?”

There was a slight nod from the blonde.

“Okay.” Lexa breathed and placed one hand on Clarke’s awkwardly twisted arm. She wrapped her fingers around the arrow that was protruding from her back and snapped it in half. For the time being she’d have to leave the weapon in her wife until they reached Arkadia which was where she had been initially traveling to anyway.

Abby hadn’t known of Clarke’s disappearance and Octavia had finally convinced her to tell Skaikru so she had been traveling for two days to Arkadia to tell them.

One day left and she had found the reason why she was traveling in the first place.

Carefully Lexa hooked her right arm under Clarke’s legs and pressed her left arm under her back. She was trying not to jostle or press her too much incase there were wounds she could not see. Once she was sure her lover was secure she pressed a tentative kiss to Clarke’s forehead and raised herself to her feet.

“ _Ai hod yu in, Klark_.” Lexa murmured.

Finally the commander began the trek back toward their temporary camp for the night, keeping a firm hold on her wife as she was not willing to lose her again. Her wife was injured, way more injured than they could heal without help from Abby. She was sure that even with the advanced healing abilities from Skaikru that this would be a painful recovery process.

Not only would she have to recover and heal from injuries she’d had to deal with the fact that her sight was gone. For anyone else she would simply end their life here. Clarke would never see anything again and she was now extremely vulnerable. Lexa doubted that her wife could ever join her side in battle again. Clarke was strong, she would persevere and be happy again.. right? Could she be happy with no sight? Would the coalition see Lexa as weak with a blind wife?—

It didn’t matter. What mattered now was that Clarke was safe in her arms and still breathing.

That’s all that mattered.

**___________**

“.. _Teik ai chich op klir_?” Indra mumbled as she fell in at her commander’s side when she entered camp with Clarke in her arms.

“ _Sha, Seya_.” Lexa kept her voice quiet.

Indra inhaled sharply, “I’m pleased that you have found Wanheda but I noted her wounds at the stream from afar and saw that they seem to be from torture. Do you believe that she has given up possible information about the coalition? She is your wife. I’m sure she knows everything you know.” She commented.

“Indra. What are you implying? That my _houmon_ is a traitor?” There was disgust in her tone.

“She was tortured for a year.” Indra narrowed her eyes.

“..That’s exactly why she’s not a traitor. If she had given up information to her kidnappers they would have killed her or returned her moons ago.”

“Then why now?” Indra stared at her, looking for an answer.

Lexa parted her lips to speak only to be cut off.

“Clarke!” Octavia’s voice sounded nearby as she shoved past a few Trikru warriors, her eyes were wide with worry and her lips were turned in a frown. “Lex—“ She cut herself off. “ _Heda_. Is she okay?”

“No. But she will be. I want you to go tell Anya to collect her things. We are leaving now. The rest of our group will leave in the morning.” The commander nodded to the younger girl.

Octavia have a slight nod. “Can I come as well?”

“Yes.”

With orders and approval now set Octavia retreated to go find Anya.

“You’re leaving now?” Indra inquired, sounding frustrated.

“Yes. We need to get to Arkadia as quickly as possible. Clarke needs medical attention and we do not have the supplies to help her the way she needs.” Lexa said dismissively then walked away to her tent. Clarke still hadn’t spoken a word, her head was pressed to Lexa’s leather tunic.

It used to be where her orders were never questioned but Indra had started questioning her since Clarke’s disappearance as if Lexa would break at any moment. She would never break, she had a coalition to take care of and lead. She just had to manage.

Breaking wasn’t an option.

Lexa slowly set Clarke down on her bed of furs. “I’m going to clean you off and then we will leave. You will se—“ She cut herself off, noting that Clarke wouldn’t be able to ‘see’ Abby.

“..Your mom will take care of your injuries.” The commander spoke with more lightness this time.

Still the blonde remained silent, only moving her head up toward her wife, readying herself to be cleaned.

Lexa gave a slight smile then turned around and moved to a her water skin where she uncapped it. Quickly she snatched a piece of cloth from her pack and dumped the cool water onto the cloth. She walked back over to where Clarke lay, sitting down next to her.

“I was worried for you. I thought I’d never hear from you again.” Lexa admitted as she wiped at her wife’s face.

The blonde breathed shakily then parted her lips to finally speak only for her to be cut off.

“Lexa!” Raven’s voice boomed as she entered the room. “Why am I just now hearing that you found Clarke?!” The brunette practically rampaged through her tent.

“Raven.” Lexa acknowledged her.

“Don’t ‘Raven’ me. O’ just told me that you are trying to steal my wife and sneak off for an early arrival to Arkadia.” Raven shot back at the commander. “How is she? Is she o—“ The engineer stopped in her tracks as her eyes fell on Clarke’s eyeless face.

Raven quickly brushed off the initial reaction of seeing the injury then continued to walk over. “Clarke. It’s Raven, Lexa has been annoying as hell. Thank you for coming back.”

“No problem.” Clarke answered, her voice raspy. “I’m sure she wasn’t as annoying as you say.”

“Oh trust me.. she was.” Raven rolled her eyes.

Lexa kept her amusement hidden as she continued to wipe at her wife’s face and neck,

“She’s just brooding.” Clarke sighed. “I can see that pinched brow.”

“But how—“ Lexa lifted her head up, brows lifting.

“I know you.” Clarke mumbled.

“—Betrayed by my own wife.” Lexa shook her head as Raven smiled at them happily.

“Can you get this fucking arrow out of my shoulder?” Clarke suddenly said.

Raven snorted at her words, twisting over to check how deep the arrow was. “It’s not even that deep, you baby.”

“Really?” Clarke shot back. “I just got tortured for only spirits knows how long and you are calling me a baby?”

Lexa’s lips pressed together, not amused. She didn’t want to be joking about this. It wasn’t funny and Clarke was hurt.

“Fine. Free pass.” Raven shrugged. “Anya knocked me up while you were gone.” She added the second part nonchalantly which definitely got a reaction out of Clarke.

The blonde was struggling to push herself up into a sitting position with one arm while the other remained like dead weight as she struggled, grunting in pain.

“ _Klark_.” Lexa pressed her hand to her lover’s chest to get her to lay back down. “Calm down. You’re hurting yourself.”

Her wife was sputtering trying to comprehend what Raven had just unloaded on her. It was true, Anya had turned Raven right after Clarke had disappeared and not even months later her former mentor had gotten her mate pregnant.

“You’re pregnant?!” Clarke finally managed to get out as Lexa forced her to lay back down.

“Yup. I think like.. five months or something.” Raven shrugged.

“Or something.” Anya echoed. “Nice to know you’re keeping track.” She muttered.

“Oh. Hi.” Raven looked up to see Anya looming over them with a narrowed expression.

Lexa scoffed quietly under her breath then set the dirtied cloth down next to her.

“Hello, Clarke.” Anya mumbled. “Nice to see you back.”

“Nice to see you too, Anya.” Clarke rolled her head, grunting in pain.

“Oh that’s funny.” Raven patted her thighs. “Because you can’t see.”

A low sigh escaped Anya’s lips before she replied. “Thanks for explaining the joke, love. Go see if Octavia needs help?” She urged her.

Raven shook her head, sighing softly. “There is no way in hell I’m going to be shooed out of here. Clarke. Why did we both marry two dark and mysterious people?”

Clarke shrugged. “Because they’re sexy.”

“Oh right..” Raven sighed in a slightly dramatic way. “Can’t believe I fell for how sexy you are.” She continued to peer up at Anya who’s lips were threatening to quirk into an amused grin.

“..Can you both leave us? Raven you may join us tonight but you need to pack.” Lexa kept her voice monotone though it was twinged with impatience.

Finally Raven pushed herself up. “Okay. Okay. You wanna make out with Clarke in private. We’ll go get saddled up!” She chimed, shoving Anya toward the tent’s entrance which earned a small annoyed huff as they walked out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Frag em op! — Kill her!
> 
> Hod op! — Stop!
> 
> Nou jomp em op! — Do not attack!
> 
> Shof yu op! — Silence!
> 
> Ai hod yu in, Klark. — I love you, Clarke.
> 
> Teik ai chich op klir? — Permission to speak freely?
> 
> Sha, Seya. — Yes chief.
> 
> Houmon — Wife/Spouse


	2. Heal her

"Y'know I can walk too, right?"

Anya briefly looked up at her mate with a wavering look, brows creased as she observed Raven's taunt and annoyed expression.

"Yes. I know." Anya answered, keeping hold of the reigns as she walked at the horse's side that her mate was saddled on.

Raven simply narrowed her eyes at the reply, not seeming satisfied with the answer Anya had given her. Anya seemed to be silently praying that the engineer wouldn't say anything else as she kept her dark eyes fixed ahead on the dark trail.

But Raven wasn't one to let things go and they had been traveling for a few hours now. The sky was lighting up as the sun had begun to rise. Clarke and Lexa were saddled on a horse next to Raven, Clarke sitting in front of the commander with her head pressed against Lexa's neck. While Octavia was traveling slightly ahead of them with her weapon drawn and eyes peering to make sure there were no threats. Indra had tried to convince Lexa to bring a few more warriors but she refused, knowing if they added to the group they wouldn't make it in time and she could feel Clarke grunt every time she shifted.

Lexa had experienced pain before. Emotional and physical, however Clarke had sustained quite a bit of damage while she was away and it made her uneasy. She had to get to Skaikru as quickly as she could without further incident.

"Then I don't see why we can't switch or share the horse." Raven retorted.

Anya's shoulders stiffened, Lexa knew her former mentor was about to break. Raven had been snippy since Clarke's disappearance and it only had increased when the omega got pregnant. Anya tried to soothe her but Raven was just too stubborn most of the time.

"Because I am fine with walking, _ai snogon_."

To this the engineer let out a disgruntled huff.

"Will you two shut up? You sound like an old married couple." Octavia called, her voice loud enough for them to hear but more of a hiss so it wouldn't give away their position.

Anya silenced herself by pursing her lips together and tightening her grip on the reigns as she continued to walk.

"She's not wrong." Lexa muttered, hoping her reply would make Clarke laugh. Though the blonde was quiet and didn't react to her comment. Octavia and Raven were now bickering but Clarke still didn't seem to have anything to say.

" _Klark_?" Lexa murmured quietly. " _Ha yu_?—Are—Are you okay?" She ended her concerns in English, knowing if Clarke was conscious she probably wouldn't be able to even comprehend Trig at the moment.

No reply.

Lexa's breath was hitched as she removed one of her hands from the reigns and prodded her wife's arm as gently as she could.

Nothing.

" _Du nou stomba raun_. _Okteivia_! _Kamp raun hir_. I have to get Clarke to Arkadia now. Stay with them and travel quickly. I would like you three to arrive before the rest of the group still." Lexa adjusted Clarke against her to ensure that she was secure on the saddle then grabbed both sides of the reigns and pulled back a bit then snapped the reigns against the horse's neck and it took off galloping down the trail before the three had time to react.

All Lexa could think of was to save her wife, she knew Clarke being unconscious was bad. Her state could be slipping and she had still yet to assess all her injuries so she did the only thing she could do, steered the horse through the undergrowth and headed for Arkadia.

**  
___________**

Abby had immediately taken Clarke to the medic bay when Lexa arrived and began to assess the condition her daughter was in. Surprisingly she had not asked Lexa where her injuries were from, but she knew by the way the brunette was avoiding her gaze that Abby was angry with her.

She didn't care.

All that mattered was making sure Clarke was okay.

If Abby hated her that was her own problem. She was not here to impress her _houmon's nomon_. If anything that was the least of her concerns. So instead of speaking she stared at Jackson and Abby move diligently around the blonde. Her green eyes tracked their every movement, she trusted them to a point. Knowing these two were close to Clarke, they'd make sure she was okay.

"Lexa. I'm going to ask you to stop hovering. I'm trying to see the damage." Abby's voice was bitter.

"I'm not leaving." Lexa moved her eyes, training them on Clarke.

"If you aren't going to leave then back up. She has an open wound and I can't even tell what wounds need to be dealt with."

The medic's words confused her.. she had to heal all Clarke's wounds? Right?

"All of them. You will heal all of her wounds and then once she is stable she will join me back in Polis where she is safe." Lexa stared at Abby with a hard look. "She's not safe here. Your people could be tainted."

"Tainted?" Abby scoffed. "We are apart of the coalition. How could we be tainted? I'm not sure what you are talking about—and I don't even really want to know how Clarke sustained these many injuries right now either. Lexa—"

" _Heda_." Lexa corrected, flexing her fingers in frustration. "It is _Heda_ to you. You will help my wife and then we will leave—"

"I'm not even sure she should leave with you at all!" Abby shot back, her brows were creased in anger and Lexa noticed that her wife didn't inherit that little line between her brow from her. Most likely her father, Lexa could only assume.

"Abby." Jackson placed a hand on her arm. "We are all distressed right now. Let's focus on helping Clarke?" At his words the older woman took a breath and nodded a few times, mumbling a few 'okays' under her breath.

Silently they began to work again and Lexa held her tongue for the time being, watching them still.

Clarke didn't move a muscle the whole time, signaling that she was still unconscious. Lexa bit her lip and prayed to the previous commander's that they wouldn't steal Clarke's spirit prematurely.

**___________**

Time ticked by and the three had arrived shortly after Abby forced Lexa out of the room so she could properly work with a sterile environment. Lexa had paced outside the door, ignoring the three as they waited with her, mumbling amongst themselves.

Finally the door slid open and Abby was wiping her hands off with a strong smelling towelette that made Lexa’s nose crinkle slightly.

“She’s stable. No internal injuries other than a few cracked ribs. We set and casted her arm, it will take some time to heal as it was broken in several different areas. Surface injuries have been sterilized and dressed, while I splinted nearly half of her fingers.”

“..Her eyes?” Octavia pressed.

“There’s not much I could do. I made sure there was no infection and cleaned up what I could. I’m thankful but surprised she’s alive. However the recovery process will be difficult. Being blind .. with this type of..” Abby looked away, trying to form the proper words for it. “..situation.. will be a hard adjustment. She won’t be able to do the things she’s used to for awhile.”

“Are there certain things we could do to help?” Anya was the one the speak up which made Raven tilt her head up in surprise.

“Yes.” Abby crossed her arms, sighing. “You are the four who are always around here. She’s not going to like this but she’s going to need a lot of help with basic things and someone will have to be her guide until we can figure out a better way for her to walk without help. Does the coalition have anything for people who are blind?”

The whole time Abby was speaking they were all nodding firmly, agreeing that they’d help Clarke. But when the doctor brought up technics for her people, Lexa was unsure if she should reply.

Lexa internally shook her head then took a breath, she was commander. She had to answer.

“..Survival is the main goal for us,” Lexa began. “People with disabilities are—“ She stopped herself but forced the remaining bits of the sentence out. “They are usually retired. Depending on the disability we sometimes find them a specific role so they can live and mind their own business. But if it’s.. something like blindness for example.. we let the family decide the infant’s fate and if they are blinded from an injury they retire from their position.”

“So.” Abby narrowed her eyes. “Clarke won’t have a seat as—“ There was a hesitant look in her eyes.

“ _Wanheda_.” Anya finished for her. “Probably not in the eyes of the people. Despite everything I still would like her to be apart of decisions if Lexa allows her. She’s a good leader and has shown us she has incredible technique with her strategies.”

Lexa nodded her head. “I would like to spend time with her before I decide anything. _Mochof_ , Abby.” She slightly dipped her head in thanks then began to walk away, her pace was slightly quick and her shoulders were tense.

“Can we see her?” Octavia questioned.

“Yes.. one at a time.” Abby gave the girl a lopsided smile.

“I’m going to go after her, Raven, go eat something then we can check on Clarke once I’m back.” The alpha pressed a kiss the cusp of her mate’s forehead then turned on heel, trailing after Lexa.

Raven watched her go.

“So.” Abby turned her gaze to the engineer. “I think I’m a little behind on what has been happening.” She briefly looked down at the small swell of Raven’s stomach.

“Oh.. haha.. yeah.” Raven smiled, sheepishly laughing while Octavia simply rolled her eyes and walked past Abby, disappearing into the room to see Clarke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ai snogon — my love
> 
> Ha yu? — How are you?
> 
> Du nou stomba raun. — She’s not awake.
> 
> Kamp raun hir. — Stay here.
> 
> houmon — wife
> 
> nomon — mother
> 
> Mochof — Thank you


	3. Lay with me

_Sleepless nights had been reoccurring since the absence of her wife and Lexa was hoping that her facade had been holding up in front of everyone._

_Part of her was still convinced Clarke had gone at her own free will despite the blood splatters and reassurance from her wife's friends.. she still had a gut wrenching feeling that Clarke had left her and if she hadn't gone on her own accord .. that was even worse. For all she knew her wife could be dead or being tortured at this very moment._

_"Heda?" One of the ambassadors broke her out of her trance. "..We are all wondering why you have called us here." The man's dark eyes were darker than usual and his brow was pinched, Podakru's ambassador. At the same time he spoke the commander felt a small nudge against her boot from Anya who was standing at her throne's side. Her former mentor had a tired look; having been out on many scouting missions over the past few days in search for Clarke._

_Lexa took a sharp intake then shifted on her seat._

_"Yes." Was all she had managed to say at first which made Anya nudge her boot again. With the gentle nudge she forced the real reason why she had called them here to flow from her lips. "Wanheda, my houmon, Klark kom Skaikru has been missing for nearly five nights now. The last place she was seen was the stables here in Polis. Before anyone questions whether or not she left on her own accord, no. We found evidence of struggle and blood residue."_

_Silence swept over the council._

_"Is this why Skaikru isn't here?" Roan spoke this time, he didn't seem pleased with the fact that not all 13 clans were present._

_"Sha." Lexa nodded slowly then looked to Anya to further explain._

_"As you know Clarke is one of the higher representatives of Skaikru and we are unsure on if telling her people that she is missing would be wise. We do not want a rebellion, nor do we want unnecessary bloodshed. We want peaceful times until Clarke is safely returned to the coalition." Anya explained, nodding firmly at the council._

_The ice king leaned back in his chair, stroking the stubble along the sides of his scarred face. "I see." He replied, his voice monotone._

_"So you are afraid that your own people will rebel against you?" The Floukru leader further pressed on the matter, her light brown hair was woven into braids that formed into a bun and her soft eyes were stern with a serious look that Lexa wasn't custom to._

_Anya took a step forward before Lexa could reply. "Yes and no. It's not a matter of questioning Heda's leadership that we are concerned about. It's that if they find out Wanheda is missing then they might try to invoke their own plan. Heda and I will be forming our own plan to try and find her. All we ask of you," She briefly glanced over her shoulder for approval, slowly Lexa nodded. Anya then swallowed thickly before continuing where she left off. "All we ask of you is that you watch out for strange activity or any sights of Wanheda."_

_A few nods were exchanged amongst the council and quiet murmurs of agreement._

_"Alright." Roan spoke. "We can do that, Heda." He nodded more slowly. "We will give you a year to work without Skaikru. But if you do not find Wanheda then you must involve them or else they will find out and not be happy that they were left in the dark." His voice was grim._

_Lexa narrowed her eyes as she noted the amount of time that the ice king had given her. A year? Was her wife really going to be missing for that long? No. They'd find her and soon she'd be home safe._

_"You have my word."_

**___________**

Anya hurried toward the open yard where a few Skaikru people were watching Lexa practically throw a tantrum. The mighty commander was swinging her sword aimlessly through the air, her strikes were hard and strong. So much anger and power behind them that Anya knew she'd end up hurting herself before long if someone didn't intervene.

" _Heda_." She addressed her by the formal title, wanting to catch her attention. "This is unprofessional. People are watching, Lexa." She hissed.

Lexa swiftly lifted the sword up, pointing it at Anya. "I do not care. You do not decide what happens to my wife. I decide. I am _Heda_. I am your commander. I am their commander. I command all thirteen clans." She practically snarled, her green eyes weren't ones that Anya recognized. So much pain and hatred was stirring in Lexa's gaze and there was dark circles underneath from her exhaustion.

" _Sha_." Anya nodded. "I know. But you are also my friend and if you want these people to keep their respect for you—stop throwing your sword around like an arrogant _seken_!" She kept her voice quiet. At her words slowly did Lexa lower her weapon, looking slightly defeated but her angry stare remained.

" _Ai laik firfou_." Lexa admitted, her voice sounding tired.

" _En's ku na teik firfou, Leksa_." Anya shook her head. "But you need to see that she is here now. You no longer have to worry about her safety. She is here. Breathing."

The next words came out more softly. "I know." Lexa murmured. "What will the leaders say?"

"Who cares? She is still _Wanheda_. I'm still petrified of her." Anya scoffed.

Lexa slightly smiled at this. "I've been acting brash."

"Your words not mine." Raven's voice sounded this time as she appeared from behind Anya with an apple in hand, tossing it up and down. Anya's lips pressed into a thin line, this typically happened every time Raven said something risky to Lexa. Though Lexa merely just grunted and looked away. "So. Now that you admitted you've been acting like a crazed alpha, can you please chill out?"

"I am not—"

"Sure." Raven cut her off before she could finish. "Octavia says you can go see her before us if you'd like." She tilted her head at the taller girl.

Lexa gave a small nod to the omega, her smile disappearing from her lips. She looked to Anya, giving her a small nod as well before walking past the two. It was obvious they two exchanged inaudible murmurs to each other once Lexa was out of earshot but she was too damn focused on seeing Clarke.

On her way toward the medic bay she walked past a man who looked vaguely familiar, he was scrawny and he briefly looked up at her before immediately tearing his gaze away and quickening his pace. Lexa glanced over her shoulder at him, raising a brow.

"Hm." Lexa mumbled before scoffing and continuing to walk her way to the wing. She passed by Octavia as well, giving her a curt nod as she let the doors slide open. The room was now empty, still smelling sterile. That obnoxious alcohol smell was fresh in the room causing her nose to scrunch once more. Clarke was laying peacefully on one of the odd cots that the sky people had.

The blonde was in a different set of clothes, one of those thin revealing gowns much to Lexa's distaste. As soon as Clarke was coherent enough she'd get her a change of clothes that didn't expose her backside. Most of her exposed skin was cleaned up, no longer caked with grime. The cast that Abby had mentioned took up the length of her left arm and there were a few bandages along her fingers. For the most part her hands were clean as well.

Lexa let her gaze scan her lover’s exposed arm and finally stopped on her face. No more blood was evident, her eyes were covered in bandages that wrapped around her head. Clarke’s hair was still rather matted and silently Lexa noted to ask her if she would like it to be cut later.

A small breath escaped the commander’s lips. The injuries she could see would definitely push back Clarke’s ability to help her which was fine, Lexa could handle the coalition on her own—

Suddenly Clarke let out a gasp, chest heaving and lips parting as she breathed so heavily it made her shake.

“Clarke.” Lexa spoke. “It’s me, Lexa. It’s—“ She addressed herself as she got closer to the cot. Though her words did not seem to soothe the blonde only did they make her move even more. As if on cue Clarke tried to sit up, failing.

“No—hey—“ Lexa’s voice was more panicked as she moved forward, placing her hand on her wife’s chest. “Calm.”

“No—no. It’s a coup—They-They are going to kill you. You have to go somewhere safe—you can’t be here, you ca—“ Half of her words were intelligible and mumbled but Lexa did hear the gist of what Clarke was trying to say.

Keeping her hand on her chest still, she inhaled sharply. “ _Niron_. I can handle myself and we are in Arkadia. You are safe, I am safe for the time being. I’m sure the coup doesn’t involve Skaikru and if it does, there’s a few people here who would be very mad about you being tortured. Besides the tactics they used to torture you aren’t familiar for your people.” She pursed her lips together then leaned down, gently taking her hand. It was slightly awkward due to her bandaged fingers. “You remember when Murphy was returned to your people? He had his nails missing.”

Slowly Clarke nodded.

“You have all your nails missing. A tactic from us or someone who left the coalition.” Lexa brushed her thumb along the back of her wife’s hand. “We are safe here.”

A breath that Clarke had been holding finally released and she nodded shakily again.

“Before you say anything else. I don’t want to hear about what happened just yet. I want you to rest.” Once again she smoothed her thumb along her hand.

“What? No—I should tell you now.” Clarke sounded slightly out of breath and confused.

Lexa shook her head. “I have a feeling I know what happened and besides, we are alone right now. Once you are back with everyone they will want you to answer questions, I don’t think you want to have to repeat the story over and over. Just rest for now. I will send for Raven and Anya if you’d like.” She offered, her voice monotone.

There was a moment of hesitance.. or maybe Clarke was just thinking. It was hard to tell now that her eyes were no longer there and her brows were currently being covered by bandages. Lexa pursed her lips even more, one of the many things she loved were Clarke’s expressionable blue eyes.

“Can you lay with me?” The question came out in the smallest voice Lexa had ever heard from her.

Caught slightly off-guard was an understatement, Lexa’s lips parted and she stood there, unsure of how to exactly reply.

“Lexa?” Clarke’s voice was an echo.

The commander nervously began, “Y-Yes. I’m here. I’ll lay with you. Do you know where you are injured? I don’t want to brush against a wound.” She sputtered slightly.

With careful hands Clarke began to drag her hand along her side, feeling for any tenderness or bandages which made Lexa cock a brow. Did Clarke not even know what injuries she has?

“This should be fine. If you hit something I’ll let you know.” Clarke broke her out of her questioning thoughts. Slowly did Lexa nod to this only to stop, knowing Clarke couldn’t see the assuring gesture anymore.

“Okay.” Lexa breathed then glanced around momentarily as if someone had magically appeared in the moments that she was in the room. Making sure no one was there she then climbed onto the bed rather awkwardly, fumbling with her sword so the handle wouldn’t be crushed as she laid down. “Okay.” She repeated once she was comfortable next to the blonde.

Clarke shifted, letting out a small wince that didn’t go unnoticed by Lexa.

“Are you okay? Did you hurt yourself? Where—“

“I’m fine, Lex. Just sore.” Clarke’s voice held tired amusement and the nickname made Lexa’s heart flutter. She hadn’t heard it in so long.

Clarke shifted again until she was comfortable next to her wife, their shoulders were pressed together and the blonde rather submissively rested her head on Lexa’s shoulder, nostrils flaring as if intaking her scent.

“Are you smelling me? You know you have a poor sense of smell. You aren’t—“

“Yes. I know.” Clarke cut her off. “I can’t see you though. Let me have this.” Her words made Lexa’s brows crease.

Lexa allowed her to take in her scent with her human nose for a few moments. Only did she then take hold of Clarke’s hand and guide it to her face, “I know you can’t see. But I am here and I want to help you. Octavia, Raven, and Anya do too. If there’s anything you want, you can ask and I’ll do whatever it is. I want this transition to be as easy for you as I can make it.”

“..Lexa..”

“I’m serious, Clarke. I’m not trying to be funny or anything—“

“I know.” Clarke interrupted her before she could start rambling. “But you and I both know that no matter what this isn’t going to be easy.” She caressed her fingers along Lexa’s temple and combed them through a few pieces of brown hair that had untucked from her smooth hair. “However if I do need something I’ll let you know.”

“Okay.” Lexa murmured.

“I love you, Clarke.”

“I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seken — Second
> 
> Ai laik firfou — I am scared.
> 
> En’s ku na teik firfou, Leksa — Its okay to feel scared, Lexa
> 
> Niron — Lover


	4. Get back up

Indra had arrived shortly the next day with the men and women they had brought with them. For the most part Lexa remained inside the medical wing, huddled up next to Clarke as the blonde begrudgingly accepted the fact that she needed rest. Occasionally someone would come see Clarke, whether it was one of her friends or one of their people, it was awkward exchange of words and hushed concerns. Sometimes they'd greet her with a head bow or small wave which made Lexa cringe as they struggled to compose themselves and greet Clarke verbally instead of physically.

It was obvious to Lexa that Clarke wasn't handling this as well as everyone thought. When Abby would come in to check on her she'd put on a show and every time Lexa would ask why Clarke was pushing herself with her mom around.. all she would say is 'I've gotta get out of here eventually, right?'

She didn't know what that meant at first, but as the days bled on and Clarke grew more irritable, she knew that the blonde simply just wanted to leave.

Lexa couldn't blame her.

"Abby," Lexa quickly flagged the brunette down after following her out of the medic wing.

Slowly Abby came to a halt and turned her head to look at the commander, eyes focused and gaze unreadable. "Yes?"

"..I was wondering when Clarke could return home with me." Lexa stiffened, gazing down at the shorter women. She couldn't let her emotions get in the way, there had been too much of that as of late.

Abby briefly glanced around before fully turning around to face Lexa, crossing her arms against her chest as she did so. "It's not even been a week. You want to travel with her now?" She questioned, not answering Lexa.

"She's restless." Was all Lexa could manage to say.

"I know." Abby replied evenly. "Let's try to get her to be mobile then I will see. But." She took a step forward then continued. "You have to keep an eye on her on your journey."

Lexa nodded firmly. "I expect nothing less. I will keep Clarke safe."

At the confirmation Abby nodded and trailed away, leaving Lexa alone in the metal plated hallway. Once Abby was out of earshot Lexa let out a shaky breath and pressed her fist to her forehead, eyes closing tightly. All of this was a lot, but she had been managing it. She hadn't really thought of how Clarke would be on their journey back home. However with the thought in her mind; she had a feeling Clarke wasn't going to make this easy on her.

So she'd have to think of something.

She had gone behind Clarke's back many of times before. This wasn't any different, it was to keep her safe and if a little distraction was what her wife needed to keep her safe then so be it.

"Deep in thought?" Bellamy's voice interrupted her thoughts causing her to open her eyes and quickly withdraw her fist away from her head. The commander recomposed herself, straightening to her full height and squaring her shoulders.

"Yes. It seems so." Lexa answered automatically.

"Clarke?" Bellamy guessed which made Lexa's lip curl slightly. She knew Clarke had no feelings for him but she wasn't so sure he reciprocated that neutral feeling. Plus his ego made Lexa want to throw him into the mitts of a _pauna_.

Not wanting to say something she'd regret, Lexa nodded to affirm.

"I haven't gotten to see her yet." Bellamy leaned against the wall. "It will be hard to see her in the state she's in."

Lexa's breath hitched and she felt her emotions start to bubble again. "How selfish of you." She said bitterly. "You haven't visited your friend because her injuries unsettle you? That's repulsive."

"Wh—" Bellamy creased his brows, pushing himself off of the wall. He waved his hands a bit to emphasize that she had pegged him wrong. "No, no, no! That's not what I meant, I just, don't you hate seeing her hurt? Doesn't it make you feel sick?" He questioned, his eyes were dark and glistening against the light that was above them.

"Clarke's pain is not an excuse for me to mope. She is experiencing it, not me. I will help her in any way I can. I dislike seeing her in pain and with such injuries but that is not going to stop me from being there for her." The response held diction, her words spitting with venom. How could Bellamy be so selfish? Clarke was his friend, his .. best friend as they say. It made no sense to Lexa. Bellamy was using her wife's pain as an excuse to feel sorry for himself, it made her feel sick.

"You're the better of us then, I guess?" A faint smile quirked at the sky boy's lips and he sighed softly which only fueled Lexa's confusion more. Why was he smiling?

"I am significantly better than you in this moment, yes because you have chosen to pity yourself instead of visiting Clarke who needs all the support she can get right now. I have noticed that you and a few other of her 'friends' have not visited her."

Finally he reacted to her words, smile fading and lips forming to a frown. He looked up to her. "I will visit her and talk to the others. Some are still hung up about what happened at Mount Weather and how she handled the aftermath." Lexa's expression creased to his reply and her gaze down turned to the ground as she tried to contain herself. She inhaled rather sharply, parting her lips to force out a calm reply.

"That was three years ago." Anya interjected. "They can get over themselves and I think it would be best if you fucked off before the commander does something that can not be reversed." She warned, halting at the commander's side.

Bellamy blinked a few times. "Alright. I didn't mean to overstep. I'm just warning you. Not everyone has forgiven you or Clarke for what has happened." He took a step back then shook his head before walking away. "Oh and tell her that I'll visit her tonight after I finish helping Jasper." He called before disappearing down the corridor.

Anya placed her hand on her armored shoulder, lowering her head closer so they could talk quietly. "Do you think that—"

"Jasper." Lexa breathed the name before Anya could finish her question.

"Jasper?" Anya echoed, raising her brows in confusion.

"Nothing." Lexa shook her head. "It's nothing. As you were saying," She let her green eyes look up to her former _fos_.

"Do you think that Mount Weather is the reason behind all of this? Are there people really willing to hurt Clarke for something that happened three years ago? The blood has already been spilled on all ends. It is over and done with." Anya murmured. "I do not want a war to brew over something that has been sealed moons ago. Raven cannot have our pup in the midst of it." There was a tinted amount of concern in the warrior's cold and commanding voice. It made Lexa's eyes flickering away for a moment, noting that Raven truly did make Anya soft. If she was anyone else she would be teasing Anya about it, however she knew better and she didn't really like giving Anya a hard time. Emotions weren't something to tease.

"Anya." Lexa sighed before finally meeting the other alpha's gaze. "I do not know how many people are involved in this. If it was one person exacting their revenge on Clarke and I then this can be solved with a sentencing. But if there is a coup as Clarke says," She paused, closing her eyes and opened them to finish. "Then a war has already begun to brew."

**  
___________**

After hurried and hushed conversations Lexa found herself in the larger part of the medical wing. The equipment and organized supplies had been pushed to the sides, giving a clear space for Clarke to practice her mobility.

Raven was sitting near one of the glass doors, back pressed against it as she fiddled with her necklace, moving it from one hand to the other. It wasn't the same necklace that she had originally worn, Clarke had said it was from Finn. This necklace was from Anya, it had a few metal beads on it with a small carved raven pendent. An upgrade in Lexa's opinion.

Abby was also in the room.

"Alright. Just take it slow. Your body has—"

"Been through a lot. I know, Mom." Clarke replied, her voice sounding irritable.

"Take it s—"

"Slow. I know."

Lexa pursed her lips, keeping her gloved hands at her sides. She had her basic garments on, minus her cloak which left her feeling exposed despite wearing all her other layers of clothing.

Just as Clarke cut Abby off again she pushed the remainder of herself off the bed with the palm of her hand. When her sock covered feet touched the floor she staggered a bit that made Lexa want to run and force her back onto the bed, she knew though that Clarke had to experience her limits for herself or she'd never—

Abby reacted instead, moving quickly over to her daughter's side. She grabbed ahold of her then tried to aid her backwards to sit back on the bed. "Alright. I think that's enough—"

"Mom. Stop, let me do this." Clarke struggled in her hold snd stumbled on her feet.

"Doc, let her try or she's gonna start screaming and I really dislike the Griffins' temper tantrums." Raven was the one to interrupt as she smoothed the wooden necklace pendent between her fingers. "C'mon you saw her stumble when she was a toddler, how'd you react then? You let her fall then pick herself back up. That's why she's so resilient. Now let her fall on her ass."

Lexa raised a brow at the engineer, smiling faintly. It didn't take long for Raven to notice the look. As soon as their gazes met, Raven smiled cockily at her.

"Okay." Abby breathed, letting go of the blonde. "But if you hurt yourself more then you have to take a break."

"Yeah, yeah, okay." Clarke brushed her off. "I'm not gonna fall on my ass, Rav." She retorted, lifting her hand up to flip her off. Due to the fact that she couldn't actually see where Raven was she actually flipped Lexa off instead which made Lexa smile even more.

"Sure ya aren't, Princess." Raven replied, shaking her head in amusement.

This time Clarke didn't argue back, only did she stick out her tongue slightly and push herself off of the bed with her palm again. She stumbled at first, her legs shaking with effort. Despite the days of rest she had gathered, her body was still rather exerted from the conditions of her disappearance.

Lexa had no idea how Clarke was treated, did they keep her in one area the whole time? Did they let her walk? She had no clue.

Though quickly as she stumbled she caught and balanced herself.

"See." Clarke smiled. "I didn't fall."

"Alright, Griff." Raven sighed, pressing her hand the glass. She pulled herself to her feet and padded over to where Clarke was, taking a few steps back. "I'm right in front of you, walk to me." Her tone was cocky and there was a grin on her lips.

"Easy." Clarke announced, moving forward on shaky footsteps. Just as she was about to close in the distance between her and Raven the blonde came to a halt and moved her head around as if she were looking.

Raven's happy expression faded. "A few more steps, Clarke. Don't tell me you're too much of a Princess to walk. Ya need Lexa to save you?" Her tone was light-hearted.

No reply, Clarke just continued to move her head. Her hands and arms moved a little too like she was searching for something.

"Honey?" Abby frowned.

"Clarke. Just move forward. You don't have to turn or anything. I'm right in front of you." Raven frowned as well, her demeanor changing to a serious one.

Rather forcefully Clarke moved backwards and jerked her head. She began to breathe heavily, stumbling over her feet as she moved with no location in mind. Lexa began to walk over to the fumbling blonde only to wince as Clarke lost her balance and fell down on her bottom.

"Are you okay??" Abby bent down, trying to touch her daughter.

"Stop! Don't touch me!" Clarke swatted at the air, connecting with Abby's arm.

Silently Abby exchanged a look with Lexa, Lexa nodded and shifted down onto her knees in front of her wife. As she did so Abby got up and walked over to Raven, whispered something into her ear before heading out of the medical bay.

"Clarke. Breathe." Lexa finally spoke once Abby was out of the room. "I am here. Can I touch you?" She held out her hands. Clarke inhaled sharply then nodded rapidly.

"Okay." Lexa breathed, placing her hands on the distressed girl's knees. "Breathe. Do you want Raven to sit with us?" Once again Clarke nodded rapidly. Timidly Raven made her way over and sat down next to Clarke.

"Okay. She's to your right if you want to try and feel for her?" Lexa offered, tilting her head. Her forest green eyes moved from the blonde to the brunette. The blonde shakily lifted up her bandaged hand and felt around, her knuckles brushed against the material of Raven's pant leg which made her breath hitch.

"I'm here." Raven's tone was soft. Softer than Lexa had ever heard her speak before.

It seemed as though those two small words made Clarke shatter completely, her shoulders shook and she heaved quiet sobs that made her breathing even more uneven. Tear stains appeared in the bandages and a mess of dampness was starting to streak onto her cheeks.

"..Hey, _niron_. I'm gonna take off the bandages so you can cry." Lexa removed her hands from the gloves she was wearing then tentatively lifted them up, her own hands were shaking from the high emotions in the room. Carefully she unraveled the bandages, ignoring the raw skin and faint blood from her eyelids. Tears were flowing from her tear ducts and her brows were furrowed.

"There's my _meizen houmon_." Lexa smiled, setting the wraps on her lap. "I'm going to touch your face." She murmured before placing both hands on the sides of Clarke's face. "It's going to be okay."

"I couldn't—I can't see and—it feels like I'm alone, utterly alone and I—f-freaked out because I—I didn't believe that Raven was—was actually there and I—I-"

"Shh. _Klark_. _Ai laik hir_. _Reivon_. She is here too. We are all here. Despite what your mind wants you to believe we are here and just becahse you can't see us doesn't mean we are not." Lexa leaned forward, placing a kiss to her nose.

Raven took hold of Clarke's hand, lifting it up gently. She placed the splay of Clarke's hand on a part of her extended abdomen. "This one is here too." She smirked, preening up at Lexa. Lexa snorted, lowering her hands back onto her wife's lap.

"Win her over with a _fyucha_. I cannot top that." Lexa leaned back on her heels.

"They're moving." Clarke stiffened. "Lex—"

"Do not ask me if I want to feel. Anya will come in and shred me. Raven has asked me before and Anya made it very clear I was not welcome to such an intimate gesture."

Clarke smiled, sniffling. "I can't believe so much has happened. How long was I gone?"

Silence.

"Nearly a year." Lexa answered, quietly. Clarke didn't reply to her answer, in fact her brows furrowed in a sad way and the crease between them had formed. "I can see you are thinking. It's not your fault you were gone for so long. I am just happy you are with us again, _niron_."

The engineer seemed to notice Clarke's thoughtful expression because her thumb smoothed along the bandages that were wrapped around the blonde's fingers. It was a small gesture but it was soothing and it made Clarke lift her head up slightly, the crease disappeared but her brows remained furrowed.

"Sorry." The apology was small.

"No need for apologies." Lexa dismissed her wife. "You are allowed to be upset but don't think we blame you for being gone. We don't blame you. No one does."

Raven continued to brush her thumb, comfortingly.

"Okay." Clarke exhaled. "It just—It feels like .. Mount Weather all over again. It feels like I've disappointed everyone." Her tone sounded defeated but was also laced with frustration.

Surprisingly Raven beat her to responding, "Clarke. No one is disappointed in you. Besides who cares what everyone else thinks? I've never seen you care about what others say or think before," She stopped moving her thumb, gripping onto her friend's hand firmly. "If anything the only thing that matters is what you think and those you are close to think. Abby is not upset with you, Lexa isn't, O isn't, hell! Even Anya isn't! And you know she gets pissed over the smallest stuff."

Clarke sniffled, chuckling softly. "I'm sorry. I'm a real mess right now, aren't I?" A few tears fell from her tear ducts, rolling down her damp cheeks.

"Oh yeah, you sure are, Princess." Raven snickered. "But it's alright. You are allowed to grieve over the situation. It's a lot to take in and whenever you are ready to talk, we are here to listen."

This time Clarke simply nodded instead of verbally replying.

With a small sigh Raven leaned into Clarke's shoulder, resuming the small thumb stroking over the bandages that encased the blonde's hand and fingers. The sight was sweet and it made Lexa smile faintly. She was thankful that Raven knew how to properly calm Clarke down and she was hoping that maybe she could pick up a few things from watching the omega.

It wasn't that she didn't know how to calm Clarke.. it was just a hard situation for her to even address. Lexa's best guess was Raven knew what to say because she had her own disability that she had to adjust to.

Thank the spirits for Raven.

**  
___________**

“Are you sure you will be okay? We can stay here for a little longer. No one will be upset if you need more time.” Lexa murmured as she carefully pulled a clean shirt over her wife’s head. Another day had passed and finally Abby had allowed Lexa to properly bathe Clarke.

Though she had taken odd precautions with the bandaged injuries for instance; the cast had been wrapped in an odd material that prevented it from getting wet and even told her to dab at the stitched wound on Clarke’s shoulder instead of letting her submerge it for too long. Of course Lexa complied but it was still odd. Then again she had never really seen this type of casting before.

“I’m fine, Lex. I don’t think I can handle another day of my mom’s doting.” Clarke replied once the shirt was on securely. She looked better for the most part, her skin freshly clean and not sickly looking. Due to how badly matted her hair was Abby had made the decision to cut it and save what she could which made Clarke’s hair now above her shoulders.

“Agreed.”

Clarke chuckled at her affirmation.

“Something funny?” Lexa pressed as she picked up the odd sky-clothing layer off the bed. She knew what it was, a jacket. However it still looked strange and the material was so thin it would never block out the cold, Clarke would catch a chill. Silently she noted to retrieve better layers from her belongings once they left Arkadia and began their journey back.

Dismissively Clarke shook her head as Lexa put the jacket on her.

“Hm..” Lexa hummed.

“Lex?”

“Yes, my love?”

“I want you to turn me.”

The words caught Lexa off guard and made her stagger away, sputtering on her breath. Her eyes were wide as she stared at her wife, utterly shocked by what she had just said.

“ _K-Klark_.” The commander stammered.

“Please. I know what I said before, I know.. but I want you to turn me—“ Clarke aimlessly stepped forward, hoping that she could make contact with Lexa it seemed.

“No. Clarke. No.” Lexa inhaled sharply. “You declined my offer when we were married and I’m not going to do something like such when you aren’t in a good state of mind right now. You could change your mind later and then you will hate me for doing it. Furthermore you know how painful it is. I’m not turning you when you just got injured. You are not physically or mentally prepared for that.”

“I don’t want to wait—Lex, just listen,”

“You said no. My answer is no. My answer remains no until I think you fit both requirements to be changed. Now.. sit. I need to put your boots on.”

Begrudgingly the blonde let out an annoyed grunt and let Lexa guide her to the bed, assisting her to sit on the edge of it.

There was no way Clarke would actually believe she’d change her right now? Did she really believe that? She wasn’t going to change her unless she was one hundred percent sure that her wife wanted it. Being changed into her kind was a painful experience for those who aren’t born into it. Lexa had watched Raven go through the first stages of changing and many others, it wasn’t something she was ready to see Clarke go through just yet.

If anything it could kill her since she is already injured. What Lexa couldn’t understand is why Clarke had changed her mind in the first place. The blonde had been so adamant on not wanting to be turned originally.

Clarke remained quiet as Lexa tied the strings of her boots up.

“Ready?” Octavia peered into the room.

“Yes.” Lexa nodded to her then turned to Clarke once more. “ _Klark_?”

“..Ready.” Clarke murmured

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pauna — Gorilla
> 
> Meizen — beautiful 
> 
> Ai laik hir — I am here
> 
> Fyucha - baby


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if there are any errors, I’m tired lol

Clarke was set on Lexa's horse, sitting in front of her wife while the brunette's arms looped around her hips and gripped onto the reigns. Lexa knew Clarke was mad with her, she knew that the blonde was angry about how she had completely shut down the idea of her being turned.

Part of Lexa did feel bad, most of Clarke's friends and people had been turned while she was away. But it wasn't a decision she could make lightly so she had to stick with it, making it with both her head and heart this time. They had nearly traveled all day already and were hoping to make it by morning if they traveled through the night. Though Lexa would definitely stray from the plan if anyone suggested that they needed rest.

Lexa briefly looked over as Octavia moved next to them on foot, her weapon drawn in a protective way. She pursed her lips, seeming to be confused about how to get Clarke's attention. The brunette raised a brow at the girl then removed one hand from the reign, tapping Clarke's thigh. Instantly the sightless blonde lifted her head, "Yes?"

"Hi, Clarke." Octavia greeted.

"Hello, O." Clarke replied, a small smile tugged at her chapped lips.

"I was wondering if you were okay, if you need to rest don't hesitate to ask—" Octavia was cut off by Clarke shaking her head.

"No, I'm okay. You don't need to worry." Clarke's voice became more taunt. Hmm.. even she had noticed that Octavia was hovering and she couldn't even see her. Lexa noted that for later.

"Alright, Princess." Octavia hummed, using the old nickname half of the 100 had dubbed Clarke with. The dark brunette slowed her pace, falling side with Anya who was walking with another horse's reigns in her hand. Raven was on the horse, fiddling with a small gadget.

"Raven? Are you okay as well?" Octavia asked, sounding more hesitant. Anya snorted at the question, knowing her wife wasn't going to react the way Octavia wanted.

"Hm?" Raven looked up from the tech. "Oh yeah, I'm fineee. Psh. I'm pregnant not helpless," She flashed a glance at Clarke, grinning. This earned a blunt laugh from the blonde who enjoyed the lightheartedness of the comment. Octavia however nervously chuckled instead.

Anya shifted closer to the horse.

Lexa growled lowly, she didn't want their friends to make jokes about Clarke's eyes. And furthermore she was shocked that Clarke laughed at such a insensitive joke. Her growl was returned by Anya, who cast a warning glare at her.

"Tell your mate to shut her mouth before—" Lexa had begun to bellow.

"Shush." Clarke at last leaned into Lexa, moving her head into the crook of her neck. "It's fine, it's just a joke. I thought it was funny,"

Lexa huffed like a pouting pup, overwhelmed by the amount of affection Clarke was giving her all of a sudden. "I—I know it was a joke, but I didn't find it funny. I don't want them to make jokes about it.." Her voice was lowered and if her ears were showing right now they probably would be lowered in a sad puppy dog way.

Clarke sighed softly and didn't add to what Lexa had said, she simply remained where she was. Unable to pick up the amount of soothing pheromones that Raven, and Anya were releasing. They must've picked up something that Lexa didn't see, her eyes flashed down to Clarke's face for a brief moment only to look back at the three for some help on what was wrong.

The alpha looked away as if she hadn't cared about whatever had happened but Raven met Lexa's gaze and tapped her cheek while Octavia pursed her lips with a concerned expression.

Lexa shakily exhaled, looking back down at Clarke who now had more visible tears on her face. "Klark.." She echoed, tongue feeling thick as her voice echoed her wife's name. "Whats wrong? Was it Raven's joke?"

"No." She whispered.

The reply was short and small, Lexa didn't know if she should further press her wife for why she was crying. After all she had been through a lot lately and if she needed to cry then so be it. "It's okay to cry.. you've been through a lot and I'm here if.. you wanna talk about it or anything, I love you." Her voice was lowered.

"I know you do."

"No love you back? Ouch." Raven butted in, causing Clarke to let out a muffled laugh. Lexa shot a rather sharp look to the pregnant omega, huffing softly as she couldn't help but smile. The engineer was insufferable and she hated how much she loved Raven.

"I love you too." Clarke murmured, placing her freehand to her jawline where she smoothed her fingers up until they splayed her cheek. Once her hand was in place, she strained her neck and kissed Lexa's jaw which made the brunette practically rumble, happily.

**___________**

The remainder of the journey home was quiet and uneventful. Lexa had wanted to spend more time with her wife now that they were together and home once more, but being commander meant duties were duties. She had to deal with overseeing how the _natblida_ were doing since her departure as well as attending an execution.

Clarke hummed quietly as Raven pulled the remainder of her blonde hair into a small ponytail. Both their wives were out with the _natblida_ and even though she had wanted some type of normalcy.. she knew she wouldn't be attending many things with Lexa anymore. But thankfully she got to at least spend some time alone with Raven..

"Raven,"

"Hmm?" Raven seemed to perk up, her weight shifting on the fur-covered bed.

"I have to ask you for a favor." Clarke proceeded, letting her bandaged fingers rest on the fabric of her pants. She could only imagine Raven's facial expression at her words, exasperated or with a raised brow.. intrigued, probably.

"Shoot." Raven finally replied back.

"I want you to turn me." Clarke tensed up, hoping that her friend wouldn't shoot down the idea.

Instantly the mechanic's weight disappeared off the bed and her voice echoed from a different location, now in front of her it seemed. "Clarke? Do you feel okay? Did the Clarke Griffin just ask me to turn her?? I thought you hated the idea of being—" her voice rang more maternal sounding, which was odd but pregnancy changes people so she didn't further press, despite her curiosity.

"..I do." Clarke continued. "But I know that if I am .. more enhanced with scents I'll be more useful and things won't be so difficult.. maybe Lexa won't be ashamed of having me lead at her side." Her voice dropped significantly, a low sadness haunting her tone.

"Clarke.." Raven sounded exasperated now. "Lexa isn't ashamed of you. She never will be. I'm not going to treat you any different than I did before just because you can't see, the reason why everyone is treating you different now is because .. well the trauma that came with it." She timidly placed her hand on top of Clarke's wrapped one. "We love you, but they don't know how to approach the situation.. you were always the one reassuring us during distressing situations. Anya has no doubts in you, neither does Octavia nor Lexa. If you think turning .. will help you in the long run."

The omega's knees popped, hinting that she was raising herself up from a crouched position. Her hand lifted as well as a nervous breath escaped her lips. "Then I'll do it."

Clarke opened her mouth, shocked that her friend had agreed so easily. "..So.. you aren't going to ask why I didn't ask Lexa to turn me.." She bit her inner cheek.

"I'm assuming she said no, but it's your business. Not mine. If you want this then I'll do it. Lexa is a knothead.. let's hope you don't turn out to be a knothead too." Raven huffed.

Clarke snorted softly at this. "Thank you."

"Anytime Griff."

**___________**

“..That was eventful.” Anya muttered as she removed her blood speckled gloves off of her hands. She tied them next to where her dagger sat on her side, allowing her dark eyes to flicker up toward Lexa who was busy wiping her own blood covered gloves off with a handkerchief.

Dismissively the commander shook her head then handed the fabric and now clean gloves over to her _fos_ as they entered the elevating equipment in the tower. “The _natblida_ seem to be doing well. I noticed Aden and the others working together more.”

Unsure on what to say, Anya remained quiet as the shaft began to elevate. Her expression remained fixed and cold while she surveyed her brain for something to say or at least add to what Lexa had said.

“I think they would benefit from seeing Clarke.” The general suddenly blurted out.

“ _Onya_.” Lexa growled. “ _Shof op. Em laik ai houmon_. I decide her fate.” She narrowly glared at the girl, nostrils flaring slightly. ( _Be quiet. I am her wife._ )

“ _Sha, Leksa_. You cannot hide her away forever.” Anya growled back.

The elevator came to a stop and Lexa moved forward, turning around to glare fully at her fos before replying. “ _Ai ste Heda_. Do not question me.” Her lip curled slightly then she turned and began to move. Anya muttered something under her breath but followed after. ( _I am Heda_.)

They didn’t get very far before Lexa halted, her whole body stiffening up. Anya bumped into her, letting a growl escape her lips. “Le-“ Though the name silenced from her mouth as she realized why the brunette had stopped. Frantic calming pheromones mixed with pain filled ones were coating the hall, noticeably all the guards were no longer by their posts either. Without even exchanging any words the two took off down the hall, both worried that one of their spouse’s were hurt.

As they neared Lexa’s quarters, now they could see why all the guards were missing. They were all trying to get into the room, but not out of concern. Immediately Lexa began to pump out her alpha pheromones, as did Anya. Within moments all of them had crumbled to the ground, neck bared for their commander.

Swiftly Lexa maneuvered through them while Anya followed behind. “Raven? Clarke? It’s Lex—“ The doors opened, revealing a very worried Raven.

Anya leaped over another guard then quickly cupped her mate’s face with either one of her hands, scanning her desperately. “What’s going on? Are you okay??”

“Lexa..” Raven’s voice was quiet.

It had almost instantly hit her when she entered the room. She knew what had happened, though she wasn’t surprised.. that still didn’t mean her anger would keep from forming. A low growl escaped her throat. “You turned my wife? Without my permission? Without a healer present?” She took a step forward, feeling her canines ache.

Anya glared at Lexa, pulling Raven close to her chest. “What’s done is done. Go make sure Clarke is okay.” Her tone was taunt, struggling to keep her cool against Lexa’s challenge.

A small breath escaped Lexa’s throat as she narrowly continued to glare at them for a prolonged period of time when a tiny groan from Clarke interrupted her focus. Instinctively her gaze softened and she trailed over to the fur-covered bed where the blonde lay, writhing around in her own pain.

There were a few different bite marks on her neck, most likely out of hesitation on Raven’s hand. Though one had pierced the skin, blood was smeared along the swollen gland. Tentatively she climbed onto the bed, noticing that Anya and Raven had now left the room. Once she was settled next to the sweaty woman, she sniffed her to see if she could decipher what she was.

Raven’s own musk was mixed with the blonde’s original scent. Unable to distinguish if Clarke was a alpha, omega, or beta. Silently she hoped that Clarke didn’t care what her body would adapt to.

“I’m going to kill you when you wake up.” Lexa muttered, lowering her head down on her wife’s chest.


End file.
